Detective Division

Man: [trembling] I'm finally... FINALLY a detective just like I always wanted!! Whoa~~~~~! I'm becoming a warrior~! I've even got the most perfect famous country souvenir for my senpai!

[A few things here. First, senpai is a term for someone higher in rank/more experienced than you in your field. Since he's a newbie, everyone else is his senpai. Second, many Japanese people would bring omiyage, "souvenirs", whenever they meet people for the first time. Good omiyage tend to be expensive, high-quality items, especially foods, from your hometown. Finally, his omiyage bag says "Kobe", which is a Japanese city in the Kansai part of Japan, which is known for having a distinctive Kansai dialect. He does speak with a Kansai dialect, but I don't try to translate it anywhere.]

Man: Next is the standard which will set my standards, my very first greeting!!

{sound f/x suu: breathing in}

Man: PARDON ME!! FROM TODAY FORWARD, I HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED TO THE HIYODORI OFFICE!!

{sound f/x bu~: woman choking on coffee}

Man: I AM OFFICER KASHIMA TORANOSHUKE!! [saluting] I LOOK FORWARD TO WORKING WITH YO----~U!!

::page::

::page::

::page::

Woman: Geez, don't scare me like that-! So newbie, you're Mr. Who?

Kashima: [giant smile] I'M KASHIMA TORANOSUKE! THESE ARE KOBE GAUFRES FROM MY LITTLE COUNTRY TOWN!!

[Kobe Gaufres appear to be rather famous. They're a sweet of light creme sandwiched between thin wafers. Yum...]

Older Man: Heh- so you're from Kobe? I'm Katayama, in Criminal Investigation. Nice to meet you.

Woman: [taking souvenir] Kobe beef is good, isn't it. Ah, I'm Kawai Maki. Nice to meet you. (I'm in Burglary.)

Kashima: N... Nice to meet you.

Old Man: I'll go ahead and take one, myself.

Kashima: [saluting] Ah~ Ch~Chief!?

Old Man: I'm the Burglary Section Chief, Tsuchiya Gen. The Chief is anxious to meet you. He-y, Mahori, it's the rookie. Take care of him.

Mahori: Yeah~~? [reading paper] I'm busy. You take care of it, Gen-san.

[In a nutshell, -san is an ending of respect for people. -chan is an ending used either for young people or people who are very close. -kun is an respectful ending for people roughly on the same level.]

Tsuchiya: (Ka~ka~ka~) That's a good one. If you're busy, then I'm really in big trouble!

::page::

Mahori: ...Newbie, what's you're name?

{sound f/x gasa: fluttering of newspaper}

Kashima: YESSIR~ I'M KASHIMA TORANOSUKE!!

Mahori: Hmm, then you'll be "Tora."

Kashima: Huh!?

Mahori: I'm Mahori Koudai, the Detective Division Chief. Nice to meet you, Tora-chan.

Kashima: NICE TO MEET...

{sound f/x ba: sudden bowing}

{sound f/x gasa: fluttering of newspaper}

Kashima: you... (So I'm Tora-chan. Guess that's fine, but...) ...Umm... Everyone else is...

Mahori: Headquarters called them upstairs for a talk.

Kashima: Headquarters? Was there a case?

::page::

Mahori: There was an accident within our jurisdiction. The suspect ran, the victim's in the hospital, the Special Investigations Department is probably all a mess.

Kashima: Isn't this a huge case! Is it really okay for you to be so relaxed!!

Mahori: We're on standby until we get our orders. Don't be so antsy. You'll just get them angry.

Kashima: Get them... angry...

Kawai: That's how it is. I'm taking another gaufres.

Katayama: We underlings get all the dirty jobs. (Kashima-kun, your desk is over there.)

Kashima: (Thank you.) Ha-ha... I'm not used to this~

Voice: Dirt is good enough! It's exactly the right work for you people!

Katayama: (Oh no.)

Kashima: !?

::page::

Voice: I keep saying that if you have a problem with that, then you should become workers at headquarters. The No-Career Bunch!

Kawai: He's come out. Toilet Papaya.

Kashima: (Papaya?)

"Papaya": I keep telling you not to give your superiors such vulgar nicknames, you Boob Alien. You're all a bunch of people who don't know how to listen to your superiors.

Kawai: Remember that I'm limited to superiors who I can respect.

Kashima: My image of headquarters...

{sound f/x basa: fluttering of paper}

Mahori: Mitarai-san.

[To understand Kawai's nickname, now, the characters for "mitarai" can mean "toilet".]

{sound f/x fuu: blowing out cigarette smoke}

Mahori: Didn't you come here to give out some orders?

{sound f/x don: Mitarai leaping crotch first at Mahori}

Mitarai: MAHORI-KU------N~!

::page::

Mitarai: It's okay, you don't have to do anything~ But it would be wonderful to drive back to headquarters together, just the two of us~

Mahori: Isn't it a problem to use an official car for personal business...

Kawai: Don't screw around with people in this office. You're stifling him.

Mitarai: (Ho-~ho~ho~) The withered old hag is jealous, isn't she!

Mahori: (You're heavy.)

Kawai: Sorry to break it to you, but you don't wander around giving off pheromones that make people gay!

Mitarai: Ah, no way, sounds smelly~! I'm glad that I don't give anything off-!

Kashima: Tsu... Tsuchiya-san...

Tsuchiya: It's so fun and lively, isn't it.

Kashima: No, it's not that...

{sound f/x gyai: screeching off screen}

Kashima: That's not it. I had this serious image of being a detective, but...

Tsuchiya: Oh~

Voice: Thank you for your time! I will call a car around to the front!

::page::

Tsuchiya: Is he going back for a bit?

Kashima: Who's that?

Tsuchiya: Sagara-kanrikan, the official from headquarters in charge of cleaning up this latest mess. He's young, but he gets things done.

[I'm not entirely sure about the Japanese police system, but here's the best that I can figure. Police are supervised by the National Police Agency, which is supervised by the National Public Safety Commission. The NPSC and upper levels of the NPA appear to be government positions rather than police/law enforcement positions. From what I can tell, Sagara's position of "kanrikan" is above the local police and probably somewhere within the NPA. Since I don't know exactly what his title means, I leave it as "kanrikan" in the translation. You can read all about the NPSC & NPA here, or look at other pages about the Japanese justice system here. And let me know if YOU know exactly what Sagara-kanrikan does.]

Sagara: Mitarai. What are you doing?

{sound f/x pishi: Mitarai whipping upright}

Mitarai: No~ nothing!!

Sagara: ...Before I return to headquarters, I would like to visit the hospital where the victim was hospitalized.

Chief: Ah~ let us take care of that!

::page::

Sagara: Detective Mahori, please drive me.

Chief: Huh~ Ah... Please, go right ahead!! Mahori-ku~n, I'm leaving it up to you~!

Mahori: I would love to escort you, but unfortunately, I will have to decline. Yesterday, I hurt my arm fighting a suspect.

Chief: M... Mahori-kun!?

Mahori: Sorry, but it would be just terrible if such the kanrikan got into a car accident. He-y, Tora-chan. Will you fill in for me? This is work, too.

Kashima: Huh~ me!? S... sure~! Ah, but I just moved here, so I don't... know my way around...

::page::

{sound f/x buroro: humming of the car engine}

Kashima: ......... ......... Mahori-senpai, does your arm really hurt?

Mahori: Oh- it hurts, it hurts.

Kashima: Liar. Does he not get along with the kanrikan?

::page::

The hospital

Sagara: What do you mean by, you didn't see the perpetrator? A report came in from someone in your neighborhood. It said, "Some men are fighting." You fought with him without seeing his face?

Man: ...I'm sorry...

Sagara: You saw his face, didn't you.

Man: Yes... Even if I stayed silent, the police would eventually uncover it, so I'll speak frankly. I am... homosexual... I slept with him but... I can't remember who he was...

Sagara: You can't remember?

Kashima: H... homosexual!?

::page::

Man: I don't like tying myself down to one person, so often... people who I just know casually... I don't know their names, and there's so many of them... I don't remember.

Kashima: These two... They're listening so calmly, hey!! Or is it something else!? They're used to cases involving gays!?

Man: I'm sorry I couldn't be of any help.

Kashima: Ah- my heart's racing a bit!

::page::

{sound f/x bechi: Mahori's hand slapping at Kashima's head}

Kashima: Casually going from man to man... Of course in another context I'd be envious...

Mahori: Tora, you'll give yourself a nosebleed.

Kashima: I will not!

Sagara: He's lying.

{sound f/x ka: clicking footsteps}

Sagara: If he saw his face, he should have just said that he saw him, but he suddenly started telling this story. Even after hearing the situation, he would have wanted to keep the truth about his homosexuality until the very end.

Kashima: Ah- I see... So he's lying to protect the suspect... But if they fought until he was wounded, why would he cover for the other guy~~

Sagara: If he's protecting the man he loves, he'd even lie to the police. Do you think that my reasoning is off the mark, Detective Mahori?

::page::

Mahori: Who knows... I don't understand the complexities of men's hearts.

Sagara: Mahori. Your post is open. Come back to headquarters. That's all I wanted to say.

Kashima: Are we going to the headquarters next?

Sagara: That's fine. I will walk back. Ah, and also, I forgot the investigation file in the car.

::page::

Sagara

Mahori: No problem~~~~

{sound f/x ka ka: clicking of footsteps}

Kashima: I... I... Investigation file, Senpai! It'll give up the information that headquarters has!!

Mahori: Yeah. Right.

Kashima: Yeah...and... (Hello?)

Mahori: Special privileges for a popular guy, Tora-chan.

Kashima: It's not that they don't get along. The thing between the kanrikan and Senpai, it's... LOVE!?

Mahori: He-y, Tora, come along.

::page::

Kashima: Hey, Senpai. Why did you become a detective?

Mahori: Hm-... I forgot.

Kashima: What's that mean? You usually have one, right? There's some detective you admire, ir becomes your goal or your dream to be like him, something like that.

Mahori: Well, maybe when I was young.

Kashima: See, see? Me, I did nothing but bad things since I was a kid, and I didn't have any guidance. But the old man in charge of juvenile offenses, he took me under his wing. I really admired him and became a detective.

::page::

Kashima: Gramps said if you've got the strength to do bad things, then take down bad guys! It's cooler to be a hero... he said. And so I became a policeman... And though until now I've been called nothing but rubbish, people said to me... "Thank you." I was so happy... Saying that, it's the kind of work where you don't get thanked all the time, and sometimes it can be unbearable. But y'know, I just remember that old man who looked after me. I'll be a friend to the little guy, and become a detective like Gramps! ...or something.

::page::

Mahori: Tora, you're a good boy, aren't you. The-re there. [rubbing Tora's head]

Kashima: Please stop treating me like a puppy.

Mahori: And so? That "Gramps", is he still working as a detective now?

Kashima: Ah, no, now he's working as an instructor. I heard he's working hard with the young pups at our local police school. Ah, that's right, he's got the same last name as the kanrikan. He's called Mr. "Sagara". Apparently, his kid is in the police force, too. Maybe it runs in the blood...

Mahori: Tora, where are you from again?

Kashima: Kobe!

Mahori: I'm sure... that Sagara-kanrikan was from Kobe, too...

Kashima: What about you, Senpai? Do you have someone that you really admire?

::page::

Mahori: Yeah, Jigen Daisuke.

[A character from the popular animated series "Lupin III".]

Kashima: He's not even a detective!!

Mahori: Okay then, Detective Daimon.

[A TV detective from an old cop show.]

Kashima: You plan on randomly shooting a rifle out of a helicopter!!

Mahori: Oka-y, let's make a little stop at the scene of the crime on the way back.

Kashima: Huh~!! The scene~ LET'S GO! LET'S GO AT MACH SPEED!!

{sound f/x vo--n: the car speeding off}

Mahori: Mind the speed limit.

Meanwhile, at the police station.

Chief: Excuse me, but hasn't Mahori-kun come back yet?

Kawai: It's not really long, is it? He's on a date with Sagara-san.

::page::

Chief: Where's the one assigned here today, Kashima-kun?

Katayama: The one who was sticking close to Mahori-kun earlier, that was Kashima-kun.

Tsuchiya: Mahori and Kashima... Perhaps it's bad to combine the two of them together. (There we go...)

Kawai: Why?

Tsuchiya: Because they're "uma" and "shika". They'll be a duo where something will always happen. Now then, I'm going to go enforce a stakeout.

Chief: "Uma" and...

Kawai: "Shika"...

Chief: "BAKA"... (Uhh, my stomache hurts...)

[This is actually a pretty cute joke in Japanese. "Uma" (horse) is the first character of Mahori's name, while "shika" (deer) is the first character of Kashima's name. But put the two characters together, they're pronounced as "baka", which means "idiot". So put Mahori and Kashima together, and you get the Baka Duo.]

Kawai: (A--~HA~HA~HA~) This is great!! (Ba-ka, Ba-ka)

Meanwhile, with the Baka Duo at the scene...

Voice: YOU IDIOTS, WHAT DID YOU COME HERE FOR!! IT'S OUT OF YOUR JURISDICTION!!

::page::

Kashima: But still, should you be yelling at us like that?

Mahori: (Sorry, sorry.)

Man: [glare] Shoo, shoo.

Kashima: Senpai, wasn't it useless to just come here and do nothing?

Mahori: Even useless things can become clues.

Kashima: Well, that's true...

Behind Kashima, a schoolboy pokes his head out of a shed. Two other boys wait inside.

Boy #1: This is bad, a cop just saw me. He's gonna come this way.

{sound f/x hiso: whispering}

Boy #2: No matter what he asks, we should just keep our mouths shut. It don't have anything to do with us~!

{sound f/x ban: the door flying open}

Boy #3: Eek~!!

Kashima: Now I wonder why you boys are hiding?

{sound f/x niko: Kashima's bright smile}

::page::

Mahori: A non-flammable storehouse for a bunch of punks... the ultimate hideout.

Kashima: Ah~ looks like they can use a VCR in here, too. How fancy-~

Boy #1: G~ get out!

Boy #2: You cops ask us what you want, we didn't do a thing! Go home, go home!

Kashima: It smells like cigarettes and beer.

Boys: !!

Kashima: If you answer our questions, I'll overlook that.

Mahori: To~ra.

Kashima: It's fine, even though we caught them red-handed. There's police wandering around, so you know that there was some kind of incident. Were you here last night, too?

Boys: .........

Kashima: Didn't you see anyone outside of here?

::page::

Kashima: Someone who, if they found out you were here, you'd be in big trouble... Like someone from the neighborhood who knows your faces... Or... like a school teacher?

Boys: !!

Boy #1: ...You won't tell anyone... what we were doing here, right?

Boy #2: Hey~

Kashima: I won't tell, I won't tell.

Boy #1: We should tell. If we hide it, people will suspect us, too.

Boy #2: .........

Boy #1: Last night, we were gathered here just like always... We were getting ready to go home, so we left out the front.

::page::

Boy #1: And then outside, we saw our homeroom teacher, Tanaka-sensei, going out in a big rush, so we hid. [Sensei is the Japanese term that can be used to address a teacher.] Sensei didn't look like he noticed us... he was just looking around. Then he got in his car and went somewhere. Sensei doesn't live around here, so it was kinda strange that he was around here...

Kashima: I see... Thank you so much for your cooperation-~!

Mahori: .........

{sound f/x bam: car door slamming shut}

Mahori: To~ra.

{sound f/x bechi: Mahori smacking Kashima in the head}

Kashima: Ow~

::page::

Mahori: Where did you get that from this investigation file?

{sound f/x beshi: paper fluttering}

Kashima: It's wasn't that big of a deal. The victim, Nogami-san, was supposed to be lying, but I was thinking of the opposite.

Mahori: Opposite?

Kashima: When you think of the opposite, Nogami-san doesn't seem to be someone who'd be ensnared by one lover, but more like the type of person who easily falls for different people. When you think of it that way, maybe it's someone from his past, like someone from school or someone from work...

Mahori: When Nogami was in middle school, he worked in the office... and so he could have been lovers with a member of the staff... huh... But I'm impressed that you knew that those punks had some connection to all of this.

Kashima: No~~ That was...

::page::

Kashima: It's just that our eyes met and they hid, so I thought that maybe they were doing something bad... is all...

{sound f/x poro: cigarette dropping limply}

Kashima: Well- even a random guess can be the first step to solving a crime!

Mahori: If headquarters heard, they'd crush him...

{sound f/x zuru: Mahori sliding down the seat}

Kashima: Now then, we got a good lead for an important witness. What is it, Senpai?

::page::

Mahori: Technically, we should follow the lead from headquarters, but... Maybe he'll turn himself in.

Kashima: OKAY THEN, SENPAI, LET'S DO THIS LIKE MEN~!

Mahori: I'm naturally manly.

Back at the station.

Voice: Kawai-kun, there's a prowler in the First District. Can you head there right away?

Kawai: Okay~

Man: Kawai-kun, where did you put that burglary report?

Kawai: I just submitted it on your desk! Just look for it!

Chief: Kawai-kun, has Mahori-kun come back yet? There's a phone call for him...

Kawai: [snatching phone] Stop telling me all of these things at once! Hello! Who is it!

Chief: Ahh~ Wait, Kawai-kun~

Phone: "It's Sagara."

Kawai: HM!?

Chief: (Ahhh, saying those things to the kanrikan...)

::page::

Phone: "Has Detective Mahori returned yet?"

Chief: [sobbing]

Kawai: Wasn't he with you? He hasn't come back yet.

Sagara: ...I see. Thank you, I shall try contacting him directly. ...... Mahori you idiot... You shouldn't always run around doing reckless things...

{sound f/x pi pi: beep beep}

{sound f/x chacha-: cell phone ring tone}

Mahori: Mahori speaking.

Phone: "It's Sagara."

Mahori: Ah, hello.

Phone: "Where are you now? I'm attending an investigation meeting, so return back to the station right away."

Mahori: Um, well you see...

::page::

Mahori: We're in the middle of getting someone to turn himself in, and it looks like it may take a while.

Phone: "WHAT!?"

Wife: Darling!

Tanaka: Leave now! You're treating me like a criminal!!

Kashima: Please calm down. Look, we're also asking you to come with us so that you can prove your innocence. Senpai, tell the kanrikan. I'll definitely be taking him in!

Phone: "Mahori, not again..."

Mahori: We're taking in a witness, so I'll meet up with you at the station.

Tanaka: Dammit~

{sound f/x da~: Tanaka running off}

Kashima: !

Mahori: Tora! Be careful!!

{sound f/x da: running footsteps}

Phone: "Mahori! Wait, don't move!!"

::page::

Kashima: Don't run! If you run, we'll need to bring in completely unnecessary...

{sound f/x sha: a knife whooshing through thin air}

Tanaka: DON'T COME ANY CLOSER----~!

::page::

{sound f/x gu: grab}

{sound f/x za: sudden lunge}

::page::

Mahori: Se...

Kashima: SENPAI----~!!

Tanaka: Ah... ah...

{sound f/x gaku: Tanaka trembling}

{sound f/x poro: the knife dropping lifelessly}

Sagara: What happened!! Mahori!! Answer me! What happened!?

::page::

Phone: "Mahori!!"

Kashima: ...It's Kashima. It's urgent, please send backup and an ambulance to the scene.

Mahori: Don't exaggerate. Stop looking so miserable and help me stop the bleeding.

Kashima: B...ut, Senpai, why did you... protect me~

Mahori: A man shouldn't be sobbing like that. And I didn't really mean to protect you.

Kashima: Didn't you just wound your arm~ Don't be so...

Mahori: Thanks to the compress, the cut stopped pretty shallow, so I'm lucky.

::page::

Mahori: It's like I threw down in mah-jong... Guess I won't be getting workers comp for this.

[I have no idea what this refers to, frankly. Does anyone know how to play mah-jong...?]

Kashima: Mah...jong...

{sound f/x zuru: Kashima's coat sliding off of his shoulders}

Kashima: Worker's...comp... What the heck's that~~~~ I'm crying here, do something~! (WAAH)

Mahori: How should I know. You're the one who just started crying.

Back at the station.

Chief: WHAT WERE YOU TWO THINKING---~!!

::page::

Chief: You decided not to come back and just go off wherever you want... Can't you understand how much trouble you caused the kanrikan, huh~!? Y...ou... "UMAA"~!! "SHIKAA"~!!

Mahori: "Uma"...

Chief: Haa... You make my head spin...

Kashima: "Shika"...

Kawai: He means you're the Baka Duo.

::page::

Voice: Ah~ Good work today~

Sagara: The suspect confessed to everything. Headquarters would like to take him into custody. Is that acceptable?

Chief: Yessir~!

Sagara: Detective Mahori. How is your...

Mahori: It's just a scratch. Nothing to worry about.

::page::

Mahori: I'm sorry; you did tell me not to act recklessly.

Sagara: Every time you do something like that, you take years off of my life. Please be more careful.

Mahori: Yes sir.

Kashima: Am I in the way?

Sagara: But I'm grateful to the officer for cooperating with you.

{sound f/x gui: grab}

Mahori: It was his achievement. If you're going to praise someone, praise him.

Kashima: Huh~ No, not at all! It was... because you gave me a hint.

Sagara: I did?

::page::

Kashima: It was a man with a complex heart.

[This refers to something Mahori said to Sagara back at the hospital. Completely different context, though.]

Mahori: [snickering] (Bu--~ ku~ku~ku~)

Kashima: Huh...what? Did I say something wrong?

Man: Excuse me, kanrikan. We're taking in the suspect.

Sagara: You're Officer Kashima. ...I'll remember that. Now then, if you'll excuse me.

::page::

Kashima: Did... Did I just make a really bad impression!?

Mahori: He likes you, Tora. (ku~ku~) Well, that's one thing settled. I'll buy you a coffee to celebrate. Let's go to the coffee room.

Kashima: We're going to celebrate with a can of coffee?

Mahori: Don't complain. I got hurt protecting you.

Kashima: You liar~! You said you weren't protecting me at all!

Kawai: Papaya's gonna flip when he hears about this development. What fun~~!

Tsuchiya: He's really taking care of him, that Mahori.

Kitayama: Mahori-kun's a dirty man, isn't he.

{sound f/x gako: clunk}

Kashima: O...kay.

::page::

Kashima: Hey, Senpai.

Mahori: Hm?

Kashima: Have you and Sagara-san have known each other a long time?

Mahori: Well yeah... We were together from school up through when we went to the headquarters.

Kashima: Hm~... ...Wait! Senpai, you worked at the headquarters!? A career man!?

Mahori: Didn't I tell you?

Kashima: I didn't hear! Why're you back in the precinct...

Mahori: Mm~... The precinct just fit me. I never wanted to become a big name in the headquarters, and besides... there aren't any cute, puppy-like guys at headquarters either.

{sound f/x kusha: Mahori patting Kashima's head}

::page::

Kashima: I'm worse than a dog. I got you hurt...

{sound f/x washa: rubbing Kashima's head}

Mahori: You say such cute things for me. It's not your fault; don't worry about it.

Kashima: I knew it... Mahori-senpai was protecting me... I'm really... so sorry.

Mahori: ...Tora, look at me.

Kashima: But I...~

{sound f/x gui: grab}

Mahori: I said look at me.

::page::

Mahori: Now we're even, okay?

Kashima: .........

Mahori: You shouldn't complain about something like this. There'll be a lot more dangerous cases.

Kashima: YOU... YOU...~

Mahori: Okay, I'm heading back.

Kashima: YOU'RE...~ GAY------~!!

Mahori: [snickering] (ku~ku~ku~)

::page::

Kashima: Even though I thought... he was pretty cool, he teases me like this...~ GIVE ME BACK MY INNOCENCE, YOU BIG PERV----~

Mahori: The precinct is definitely more fun.

Kawai: A "tendon no ue" on Kashima-kun winning over Dai-san.

Kitayama: Mm~ a "hirekatsu meal" on Sagara-san.

["Tendon no ue" is tempura over a bowl of rice. "Hirekatsu" is a fried pork cutlet.]

Tsuchiya: I didn't know that Mahori went for guys, too.

Part 1 | Part 2